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I was really struck with the realization today that I needed to stop fighting...and it was okay. Through the last few years, my husband and I have not been incredibly consistent about going to church (in the sense of being there every Sunday). When we moved to Oklahoma, we left our church in Arizona, and then joined another church. We love our church here and the people. However, we used to live closer to it, and now, after baby, with the price of gas, the fact that my husband now works every day but Sunday, getting to church has just become hard. The church that is easy to go to is my parent's church, and we go there too...but still, not every Sunday, and sometimes not more than one Sunday a month.
For the longest time this bothered me. After all, I am a Christian, I should be in church! I grew up attending church every Sunday! Minus of course the brief stint my family took for home church (when between churches), but my dad is a pastor, and heck we even sang songs! So...I should be in church right? And geez...what will people think if I'm not there? Especially my family that we currently live with? (note: they have never said anything judgemental to us on this point...they are very kind and loving...but grow up in a churchgoing family and tell them you aren't going to church and try not to feel embarrassed or like a bad Christian...seriously...just try it. It doesn't even matter how they react or even if they care...you still feel like you are dissapointing them).
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We are called to not give up meeting together as Christians right? That is what Hebrews 10:25 says! But....like any good Dakar Academy Bible student who ever had Mr. Sapp as a teacher, I know to look at the context. The context of the verses around this verse, then the book written and the author, then the Bible, then what we know of God to be true. Looking at the verses before and after, I am even more convinced that this is not simply about showing up to Church. I found a commentary on this passage that I greatly appreciate written by James Finley entitled What does the Passage Mean? Hebrews 10:25. His ending line is great:
"Now as then we need to meet together with people of like faith. All of us need to be encouraged because our pathway through this world is strewn with obstacles. We need to share our good times with others so that they may be encouraged and we need to share our bad times with others so that they may encourage us. This, I believe, is the message of Hebrews 10:25. Once more, the writer is not talking about attendance records." -James Finley
So, I began to examine my anger towards my husband over the fact that we aren't always in church...because after all it has to be all his fault because he is the leader? Right? So what if it is sometimes me that keeps us from going? He should force me right? So what if he does his best to make sure we spend time with God together if we miss church? So what if he does his best to be a godly leader every other day of the week? If we aren't in church on Sunday, well then, the rest of it is worthless! Right.....?
Then I realized it. My anger had nothing to do with God or spending time with Christ. I felt that if I showed up in church attendance on Sunday that I was somehow vindicated as a Christian...well that and less people would think I was a heathen or something. Church had stopped being about God and was about what other people thought of me and my family. At Church, I would insist on seeing people...not necessarily because I wanted to see them (though I did and that was a plus), but more so they could see I was there.
"Look at me, I'm a good Christian. I'm here at church!"
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Now, don't get me wrong, I do love going to church. I love to be around other Christians. I love to feel the encouragement. But it has to stop being about the "attendance record" as Finley so aptly put it. It has to not be about what it looks like to other people. It has to be about Christ.
I have come to the realization that there is nothing wrong with missing church. Yup, I said it. We are not forsaking it as Finley explains:
"Forsake means to give up, to quit, to leave, to abandon. It implies finality. Here it refers to stopping a practice. It does not refer to "perfect (or imper-fecO attendance" at a religious ceremony. Instead, the writer is encouraging those addressed to continue their practice of meeting together. The time of such meetings is not specified but rather a general statement that could only refer to a practice. If we were told not to forsake eating we would not wonder which meal was meant or how much to eat on which day. We would understand that the writer was telling us to continue to eat without being specific as to when to eat, what food to eat, or where to eat. Likewise, Hebrew-s 10:25 says to continue to meet together without being specific as to when and where to meet."
So, what's my job now? To stop fighting it. Stop fighting the battle that leads me down the path of placing Church and other people's idea of my faith before My God, My Salvation. Start fighting the battle for my family. Fight to keep Christ at the center of our lives every day --not just Sunday.
I acknowledge every individual has a seperate call on their lives from God, which includes things like church attendance I'm sure (particularly our pastors). However, I am choosing to act on the call God has given both my husband and I. It is not always easy to accept...but hey, it's his call....not mine.
Psalm 18: 1-2
"I love you, lord, my strength. The lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold."
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