It's Not About Me

      I read an interesting blog post today called - Mom vs. Mom: The War I Didn't See Coming, that was shared by a dear friend. It got me thinking about myself, my shortcomings, my pros, my cons, in fact, almost every little bit of who I am right now.

I began to think of all that's going on and all the things people have said to me and the things that I've told myself. I pondered my secret thoughts of envy and resentment, amazement and appreciation, and also those of pride and superiority.

I look like supermom don't I??? HAH!

For those of you who don't know my situation: I have been married for 4.5 years to a wonderful, loving man and have been blessed with two lovely (but by no means perfect) children. Both of these children were born after we had moved in with with my parents/grandmother 2.5 years ago. We've lived on a back porch bedroom (trust me - nicer than it sounds) for their entire lives so far. My daughter is 20 months old and my son is about 2.5 months old. This bedroom is on the back of my grandmother's house (where we only go into her house to use the bathroom or maybe warm up a bottle/visit her). We do our main living over at my parent's home next door. All my siblings (4 of them: ages 22, 19, 15, and 11) also live at home.

Over the past 2.5 years I have been blessed with love and support from my family, though there have been both many good and bad times. However, the biggest insecurity I'm left with is - Can I really do this?

You see, my husband just got a new job and we will be moving to another state for it (back where we have previously lived). We are both ready to have our own place again (which he will have to find and we will follow later since he has already moved). However, incredible fear is also attached to this. We have never parented alone minus a couple of vacations (which you and I know don't really count). Can we really do this?

When reading the blog above, I found myself convicted over the bitterness that tends to rise in me when I read about another mom's productive day. Despite my joy for whatever mom it may be that day - a ready portion of resentment begins to well inside me as I hate the fact that she may be doing what I would want or think I should be doing. 

I am the excuse queen let me tell you. If there is a reason why not to do something, I'm sure I'll find it. And I have found a lot of reasons why not to share some of these things I am about to share - but after the courage of one of my friend's sharing her rough day - I feel a little more willing to share some truths about my rough times as well.

How we look most of the time....yup....

Truth #1: I was so excited to finally potty train my daughter and sought to do it as close as I could to a method my friend had used. Of course - I wasn't in the same situation as she was when she did it, complicating matters drastically. My daughter did all right at first when we "threw away" her diapers and was excited for the big girl underwear. However, after about a week - we discovered she was just not at the point, and neither were we. She really is so close, but we are under so much stress that we are not teaching her effectively. So yes, she is in pull-ups now - and I feel like a major failure. But, when I begin to think that way, I remember that it's not about me, it's about her and the fact is this just isn't the right time and I have to be okay with that. Because - it's not about me. 

Truth #2: I get distracted easily. I am frequently on Facebook on my phone learning about some mom who has finally realized how electronics are such a distraction, as my daughter begs for my attention...see the issue there? (Don't worry - both kids are sleeping right now as I write this). Don't get me wrong, I don't regularly ignore my children, I'm just not as present as they need me to be. And because of this, I need to change, because - it's not about me.

Truth #3: I am not consistent enough with disciple/training when it comes to my daughter. Sometimes I am just done with the fighting, sometimes I decide it doesn't matter anymore, and sometimes I simply stop caring. However, I know that I need to be better about this but also realize every day is a learning process. I have to remember not to beat myself up about it because then it just becomes a pity party and let's face it - it's not about me.

Truth #4: My default snack for my daughter - cheese. Yup, I said it. It's easy, she loves it and it has calcium and protein. She eats a large variety of things, but at this point, when my fridge is not my own, and days are crazy - well, cheese it is! But, sometimes I have to remember not to make the excuse and remember to make the extra effort because - it's not about me.

And....I really don't like taking the time to cut out coupons; I love the idea about living a healthier lifestyle but don't make huge efforts to change; I don't really care that my daughter still uses a bottle (she can drink out of any other thing if she wants to and does as well); crafts scare me...seriously...etc.

As all you moms out there know, I could go on and on with this list. We all have those things that we struggle with. Things that need to change and things that don't really need to change.

I think there is something we should all remember when we see the mommies out there with their kids and we feel like they have it all under control - or the flip-side where we look down on other moms who don't do things quite the way we do: we must remember IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.

I think mommy wars are definitely a result of too much ME focus. I realize we claim most of the time that it's about our kids, but I think if we really get to the heart of the matter, usually, it's about us. It's time to redirect the focus to the kiddos that make us the moms we are.

I will always try to remember my mother's words, tears steaming down her face as she held my son during one of our many heart-to-hearts: "Don't try to be a 'good mom' or a 'good wife' but focus on doing what's right in the moment and yielding to The Lord. Because everything else is just a checklist and a checklist is nowhere." 

Have a good evening everyone! :)

 

We're a little crazy....but hey...that's ok